Judy Larsen: Author Interview by Kat Magendie

Judy Merrill Larsen was born in Whittier, California in 1960, and grew up in Northbrook, IL, Upper Saddle River, NJ, and Dunwoody, GA. She attended University of Tennessee (Knoxville) for two years before transferring to and graduating from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She taught high school English in Madison for three years before staying home with her two sons. In 1991 she moved to Kirkwood, MO, where she received a Master’s Degree from Washington University and taught high school for twelve more years.

Larsen’s debut novel All the Numbers was published in 2006; she is currently at work on her second novel. Previous publishing credits include a variety of letters to the editor. She enjoys talking to students and book groups about writing and is always eager to recommend her new favorite book. She currently lives in Kirkwood with her husband and their five children.

R&T: In All the Numbers, you deal with a topic some would consider difficult to write about—the death of a child. How did you keep yourself focused on the story and the writing without allowing the subject to cloud your thinking?

LARSEN: I’m not sure if I did—the whole story arc came to me while sitting on a dock watching my kids play in a lake. A jet skier went by and I thought, “What if?” So, as I was writing, I became Ellen, in a sense. I needed to get her story out. There were times I cried as I wrote. There were days I was exhausted for and with her. There were afternoons it was very hard to let my own sons head off to the pool.

R&T: I understood the rage Ellen felt, even in the face of her “doing the right thing” when it came to organ donation. Have you experienced a loss, one which gave you insights into how to write about a mother’s grief and the anger that consumed her?

LARSEN: I feel so guilty saying this, but no, I haven’t experienced such a loss. But, as a mother, I think that’s THE fear—losing your child. So, I’ve had those moments of panic when they have a fever that won’t break. Or when you look away for one second and they’re gone in a crowd. And at those times, all the horrors that can befall them (and me) ran through my mind. I approached the writing with that same “What if?” question—how badly would I handle such a loss? How angry would I get? How much would I crawl away from the world and into a hole of my own making? And then, what would it take to get me to come back out of it?

R&T: At the end of the book, Ellen and her surviving son, Daniel, return to the lake where the accident happened—after the trial and Ellen’s decision concerning the one who accidentally killed her son—which gave her some closure. Did this give you, as a writer and a mother, a sense of relief and joy and closure?

LARSEN: Yes. I really love this final scene. From my first draft to the final published version, I don’t think I changed a word. I had this scene in mind from the very beginning, so I always felt l was pulling Ellen to this place as I wrote. When I wrote the last word, I was all teary with relief, joy and closure. I’d done it and Ellen had done it. It was pretty cool.

R&T: Tell the readers a bit about your title, All the Numbers. Is there a symbolic meaning to this, beyond the one explained at the beginning of the novel (how she loves her sons “all the numbers…”)?

LARSEN: I wish I could tell you something really significant and secret about the title, but it really just comes from what Ellen tells her sons when they are young. A friend suggested it was also appropriate because it hints at how Ellen needs to find new patterns for her life, but that wasn’t something I consciously intended. I will say that this is something I completely stole from my own mothering—“all the numbers” was something I said to my boys when they were young and it came about in the same way it does for Ellen.

R&T: There is the issue of organ donation in All the Numbers. Is this an important personal issue? What about the possible dangers imposed by jet-skiers? Have you had personal experience with either of these?

LARSEN: I’m a big supporter of organ donation—I have friends who are alive because others were generous in their deaths. But I don’t think I’d have the grace to be comforted by donating in the moment. I’d still do it, but if it was my child, I’d also be as angry and bitter as Ellen is. I have nothing personal against jet-skiers. They actually used to look like fun, but after writing this book they give me the willies.

R&T: In the beginning of the book, Ellen does not buy James the shoes he desires; and then, after his death, she purchases the shoes so he can be cremated in them. What message are you trying to give readers here?

LARSEN: Well, I guess I could say, “Always buy the shoes!”, but I think it more goes to the idea of hoping those I love know I love them even when I’m not being particularly nice. I’d imagine that when you’ve lost a child, you have so many regrets—stories you didn’t take the time to read, cookies you were too rushed to bake. And you wish you could rectify that. When my uncle was dying of cancer twelve years ago, as hard as it was for all of us, we at least got to let him know how much we loved him. With a sudden death you don’t get that chance. So maybe the “lesson of the shoes” is to not let opportunities pass to let your loved ones know how much you care.

R&T: You are an English teacher—do you feel as if you are held to a “higher standard” in your writing? And if so, how does this affect your writing?

LARSEN: Well, I wanted to be darn sure there were no apostrophe errors in my book (just ask my students—I was a real bear about that!). But, yes, I do think I worried more about how the book would be received. I’d taught great literature, I’d been a stickler for clear writing. I’d harped on kids to use the right words. One of my real fears was that former students or fellow teachers would read my novel and think, “Huh, I thought it’d be better.” If anyone has, he or she has kept that opinion private. And it was especially gratifying when one of the private girls’ schools here in St. Louis selected All the Numbers for their whole-school summer read.

R&T: What are the steps you took to get from finished book to printed copy? And, is there anything you would do differently if you had it to do again?

LARSEN: I had no clue what I was getting into when I first sat down to write this novel. I didn’t know anyone in the business and had never published any stories or articles. Once I’d finished a draft I started querying agents. I promptly racked up 100+ rejections. So, I revised and rewrote and started attending writing conferences. I did that for a couple years, all the while revising when I had time. My big break came when I attended a week-long summer workshop at The University of Iowa. At the end of that week, the editor who’d led my group offered to introduce me to some agents. Three weeks later I had an offer of representation and within 4 months we’d sold the manuscript to Random House.

R&T: What are you working on now?

LARSEN: I’m deep into what I hope will be my next novel—through two different narrative lines, one set in the present and the other set between 1958-1971—it explores how women are too often defined by others’ expectations and judgments, rather than by themselves and their dreams.

R&T: What is the writing life to you? Or, how important is your writing to your sense of well-being?

LARSEN: Well, it’s been a dream of mine since I was a little girl, so on one level it’s a dream come true. Now, I find that if I go a few days without writing (unless I’m on a vacation or something like that) I get itchy for it. It’s what I do and who I am.

R&T: Do you have a certain time and place you prefer to write?

LARSEN: Mornings are best for me—the house is quiet and my mind is fresh. When the weather is nice, I sit out on my front porch, coffee in hand and write for two hours. If the weather is too chilly, I park myself on the living room sofa by a roaring fire. I write my first drafts in longhand, so I can write anywhere which is nice. Then, in the afternoons, I enter what I’ve written into the document on my laptop and give it my first edit.

R&T: Do you ever get the old so-called “writer’s block,” and if so, what do you do to overcome it?

LARSEN: I think we all get writer’s block at times. One thing I do, if I’m stuck in a scene (or with starting a scene) is to begin a conversation between my characters. I just start writing dialogue. They’ll always talk me out of being stuck and often take the story in a neat direction I hadn’t even seen coming. One strategy to head it off altogether is to never end a day’s writing when I feel stuck, and to always end knowing where I’m going to start the next day so I’m eager to get back to it.

R&T: Since many of our R&T readers are also writers, what advice or insights can you give them?

LARSEN: Don’t give up. Ever. Also, read, read, read. Read in your own genre and in other genres. Read great literature and read “vacation” books. If you can, network with other writers. Every writer I’ve met has been encouraging and fun.

For more on Judy Merrill Larsen, check out her website and blog.

Read Kat Magendie's review of All the Numbers.

Kat Magendie is a freelance writer/editor, and Senior Editor/Newsletter Editor at The Rose & Thorn. She has written, is writing, and will ever-more be writing novels, short stories, essays, and a few sad but hopeful poems. She has been published here and there. Visit her at www.kathrynmagendie.com.

This interview may not be reproduced electronically or in
print without the express permission of the interviewer.